pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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