In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
