If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize