For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
