I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
