i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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