He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
