So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
