I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
