Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
