Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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