maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
