He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
