in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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