I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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