sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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