When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
