My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
