do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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