you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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