i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
