1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
