He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
