no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
