Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
