...so i touched it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
