Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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