Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
