the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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