he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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