sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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