summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
