There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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