The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
