No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
