addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
