no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
