Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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