I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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