i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize