when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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