so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
why is half of my head shaved?
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