So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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