Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
