quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
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