just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
