I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
