Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
