so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
