I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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