yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
