I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if only i could text you this smell
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
