I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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