She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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