i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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