I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
