had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize