why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
