Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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