areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
