Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
