dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
