his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize