Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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