So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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