I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
