what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
