he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
