I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize