you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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