they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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