My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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