I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
