i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
