Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
