I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
