recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
